3h 55m per day.
That is the calculated amount of time I have spent on my phone each day this week. Thank you iPhone Screen Time notification — you offer the ultimate gut check.
Of course my initial reaction was, “Egads! That is WAY too much time!” followed by Madame Mommy Guilt busting through the wall like the Kool-Aid Man. Is my phone getting more attention than my family? Is screen time replacing quality time?? Do I even know how to connect with my kids for three hours and fifty-five minutes??? How do we get through this thing called life???? Tell me, Prince, tell meeeeeeeee!!!!!
Valid freakout. REAL feelings. Maybe you feel them too. Truth is, we can be pretty dang hard on ourselves.
May I offer us a little grace?
While I fear that my biggest parenthood regret will be the compilation of minutes I gazed at my phone, I also recognize that today’s parents are not much different than the pre-smartphone generation before us. We are actually engaging in similar activities with similar levels of intentionality for similar amounts of time. What sets us apart, however, is HOW we are doing those things… on a 5.5-inch rectangular device. A one-stop shop.
Our parents paid bills by sitting at the kitchen table with a checkbook. We use our phones.
Our parents found recipes and meal-planned with the help of cookbooks. We use our phones.
Our parents listened to music by turning on the record player or radio. We use our phones.
Our parents stayed up-to-date on current events by reading the newspaper. We use our phones.
Our parents made shopping lists on pieces of paper and shopped at actual stores. We use our phones.
Our parents discovered creative DIY ideas by thumbing through Better Homes and Garden magazines. We use our phones.
Our parents captured moments with 35mm cameras and oversized camcorders. We use our phones.
Our parents navigated road trips with the help of an atlas. We use our phones.
Our parents checked the weather, booked reservations, communicated with friends, played games, researched, sent mail, kept calendars, and on and on and on. So do we — on our phones.
I am totally rationalizing all of this 1) to defuse some of my momma/wife guilt and 2) because smart devices really have changed the way we do things. We ARE spending hours on our phones every single day, and it CAN feel like way too much, but being resourceful does not necessarily equate to being neglectful. (Unless we are texting while driving or candy crushing our lives away… then tsk-tsk-tsk.)
We are moms and dads and human people tackling day-to-day responsibilities and activities, just as moms and dads and human people did before us. We are doing the best we can. Our phones are merely a means to an end.
3h 55m per day.
Acceptable? Excessive? Who really gives a flying fig? I guess that’s for you (or in this case me) to decide. My hyperawareness of screen time stems from my hyperawareness of TIME. Our hours are finite, and I desperately want to spend mine wisely, purposefully, and without regrets. I want to utilize my phone for the valuable tool it is, and I want to treasure my family for the valuable gifts they are. I want to always, always, always connect to people first, WiFi second.
So I will remain cognizant. I will hold myself accountable while also cutting myself some slack. I will try to lead by example, knowing the little eyes watching me today will inevitably grow up to watch little devices tomorrow. And I will encourage my fellow Apple users to consider clicking on Screen Time in your phone’s settings. It’s eye-opening, and it is fittingly marked with a purple hourglass. After all, how we spend our time is how we spend our days is how we spend our lives. Make it count, friends.